


Nobody Expects the Ferengi Acquisition (Day Party Planners)

by Vorta_Scholar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Party Planning, Reunions, Trektober, Trektober 2020, Weddings, trektober2020, wedding crashers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vorta_Scholar/pseuds/Vorta_Scholar
Summary: Rom sends Brunt to DS9 to work with Quark to set up for the Nagus's Acquisition Day festivities. That same day, Odo returns to the station and agrees to elope with Kira. Chaos ensues due to simple errors in timing and communication.
Relationships: Brunt & Quark (Star Trek), Kira Nerys/Odo, Leeta/Rom (Star Trek)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Nobody Expects the Ferengi Acquisition (Day Party Planners)

**Author's Note:**

> For Trektober, Day 3
> 
> Prompt: Wedding crashers

**_“Lieutenant Dax to Colonel Kira.”_ **

Kira looked up from the PADD she had been reading and pressed her comm badge.

“Kira to Dax,” she said. “Is everything alright. I’m not on—”

**_“I know you’re not on duty, sir. But…”_ **

Kira looked at Quark, who had come over to listen under the guise of pretending to polish a glass which she had specifically seen him pick up from a stack of freshly cleaned glasses.

“Yes?” she said.

 **_“Well, someone in docking bay two would like to speak with you,”_ ** Ezri said. **_“He says it’s urgent that he have a word with you, but I can’t say much more.”_ **

“Alright,” Kira said. She finished her drink and set her empty glass down heavily on the bar. “I’m on my way.”

Quark watched her leave, shaking his head as he made his way down to the opposite end of the bar, still polishing the same glass.

“Wonder what that was about?” he said to Morn, who simply shrugged.

Before Quark could ponder the matter further, a hush fell over the front of the bar, and several of the Ferengi waiters on the lower level scattered. Looking up, Quark saw a familiar figure standing in the doorway.

“Brunt. F.C.A.,” he said, smiling as he strode confidently over toward the bar.

“Oh, great,” Quark said, rolling his eyes. “You again.”

Brunt’s shoulders fell and suddenly he looked like a child whose ratty towel cape had been abruptly snatched off.

“Hey. Just because your brother is the Nagus doesn’t mean you can talk to me however you want,” he said.

Quark glanced at him from his glass polishing. “Want to bet?”

Brunt narrowed his eyes.

“What are you here for this time?” Quark asked.

“That’s for me to know,” Brunt said, pulling a PADD out of his coat and making a few notes.

Or pretending to.

Quark wasn’t certain, and he didn’t really care anyhow.

* * *

“Lieutenant,” Kira said, approaching the place where Ezri was standing, a PADD propped against her forearm as she ticked a few boxes off, “I wasn’t aware anyone was coming into docking bay two until tomorrow morning.”

“I assure you, this is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, sir,” Ezri said, lowering the PADD.

“Okay,” Kira said, nodding. She didn’t blame Ezri; she wasn’t upset with her. But she did very much prefer to be better informed. “It better be good.”

“I’m sure you’ll be...pleasantly surprised,” Ezri said, and nodded for Kira to follow her.

As they rounded the corner, Kira noticed a man in Bajoran civilian clothing, standing, his back to them. But there was something familiar about him. Something about the way he stood. The way his hair was combed. When he heard them approach, he turned around, and he smiled.

She recognized him instantly.

“Odo,” Kira said, her voice low, barely a whisper.

“Hello, Nerys,” he said.

“Odo,” she said louder, and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Tentatively, he returned her hug, wrapping his arms around her.

“I thought you were in the Link,” she said. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”

“My people are healed,” he said. “They’re still recovering from the illness and the damage it caused, and they’re still trying to make sense of their history, but my work is done. I’m home now.”

She pulled back, holding him at arm’s length as she looked at him, eyes wide.

“Home?” she breathed. “You’re staying?”

“Yes,” he said. “I’m going to stay. This has always been my home.”

She smiled. “I’m so happy to hear that,” she said, hugging him again. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” he said.

“But,” she said, “how did you get back? You had no ship.”

“I took a page from our friend Laas’s book,” he said.

“You traveled through space without a ship?” she asked, looking at him once more, an amused sort of look on her face.

He nodded.

She laughed, and so did he.

“That’s great,” she said, shaking her head.

“It was quite exhilarating,” he said.

“I bet!”

“I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,” Ezri said, placing a hand on Kira’s shoulder, suddenly making her aware of her presence once more. “And I’ve got to get to the bridge for night duty.”

“Thank you, Dax,” Kira said. “Uh, dismissed.”

Ezri nodded, smiling at both of them before departing. “Have a good evening.”

“You as well, Lieutenant,” Odo said, returning her smile.

Kira looked at Odo, so many thoughts reeling through her mind. It had been well over a year since she’d last seen him, and so much had happened since then, but all the same emotions came pouring back from the last time she’d seen him. She hugged him again, tighter this time.

“I missed you,” she said.

“I missed you, too, Nerys,” he said, placing a hand on her back.

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“You didn’t think I’d be gone forever, did you?” he asked.

“I always hoped you would come back, but…” she said, her voice trailing off. “I...I never actually thought I would see you again.”

“It was always my intention to come back to you,” he said. “I love you.”

She laughed, the sound shaking as she held back her tears. “I love you, too.”

“We have a lot to talk about,” he said.

“That we do,” she said, pulling away and looking at him. She sniffled, smiling. “And I know someone else who would be overjoyed to see you. What do you say we go down to Quark’s? We can catch up there.”

He nodded, and gestured for her to lead the way.

“What has the old rascal been up to since I last saw him?”

“Oh, the usual,” she said. “Just last week I caught him trying to smuggle in thirty cases of Romulan ale. I don’t know how he thought he could get that past us.”

When they made it to Quark’s a few minutes later, however, they were surprised to find not Quark behind the bar, but one of the Ferengi waiters.

“Hey, Grint, where’s Quark?” Kira asked. “I saw him in here just a few minutes ago.”

“Quark was,” the young Ferengi said, looking over both his shoulders before leaning toward Kira and continuing in a hushed voice, “called into a meeting.”

“This late?” she asked.

“I promised I would keep it quiet, but, uh, it’s Commerce Authority business,” he said. “Uh, I think.”

“You _think_?”

Kira sat down at the bar, and Odo sat beside her.

He nodded quickly.

“What makes you think so?”

“Just who came in to talk to him,” he said.

Kira and Odo looked at each other. “Brunt,” they said at the same time.

Grint nodded again.

“Great,” Kira said. “I wonder what he’s here for this time.”

“Who knows?” Grint said, chuckling nervously. “What can I get you two?”

“Two synthales,” Kira said.

“Coming right up.”

* * *

Meanwhile, in the back room of Quark’s Bar, Quark stood close by the door, ready to make his escape should he need to, while Brunt sat looking quite at ease in a chair, resting his head in his hand and his elbow on Quark’s tongo table.

“Why are you really here?” Quark asked.

“What would you say if I told you I was just here to see you, Quark?” Brunt said.

“I’d say you’re full of targ manure,” Quark said.

Brunt sighed, sitting up straighter. “Fine. Your brother sent me.”

“Why would my brother send you?”

“Because he knows how much you like me.”

“You really are full of targ manure.”

“He did send me,” Brunt said. “He says he wants to hold Acquisition Day festivities next month on Deep Space Nine and he asked me to come here to see to the arrangements. He wants one of the conference rooms set up for a small crowd, maybe twenty-five Ferengi. And he wants you to cater.”

“What does that have to do with you?” Quark asked. “That still doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t get why he would send you.”

“He knows I get things done,” Brunt said.

Quark gave him a skeptical look.

“Also I may have a position in your brother’s staff,” Brunt said, much less proudly.

“That you no doubt bribed your way into,” Quark accused.

Brunt smiled. “Well of course. Would you expect anything less?”

“No, I can’t say I would.”

“See?”

“But I still don’t know if you’re telling the truth,” Quark said. “If I were to call Rom right now, would he be able to confirm everything you’ve told me?”

“Well, yes, I suppose so, but it’s also four in the morning at the Tower of Commerce, so I don’t know that he would be too happy about that.”

“Fine,” Quark said. “I’ll contact him in the morning. Until then, I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Fine,” Brunt said.

“It’s weird for me to be the one saying that to you,” Quark said, shaking his head. “Alright. Anyway. Get out. I need to lock up.”

“But the bar is still open,” Brunt countered.

“I know that,” Quark said. “But I want _you_ to get out.”

Brunt stood, but he made a big show of it, saying as he walked past Quark and through the open door, “Is that any way to talk to your favorite liquidator?”

“That’s the nicest thing I want to say to my favorite liquidator when he’s in my bar every three months,” Quark said.

“Fine,” Brunt said, but didn’t move any further.

Quark placed a hand on his shoulder and began leading him through the bar and toward the door.

“The Colonel was looking for you, boss,” Grint said as Quark and Brunt passed his station at the bar.

“Did it seem urgent?” Quark asked, pausing to talk.

Brunt took that as his chance to slip free and begin walking toward the bar, and Quark gave up the fight. He had more important things at hand than this imbecile.

“No, she said it could wait til morning,” Grint said. “Her friend told me he was also interested in speaking to you and hoped to see you in the morning.”

“Her friend?” Quark asked.

“That’s all I’m allowed to say,” Grint said.

“Can I get a glass of snail juice?” Brunt asked.

“Alright,” Quark said, pretending Brunt wasn’t there. “I’ll talk to them both in the morning.”

“Sure,” Grint nodded to Quark.

Quark took over the bar and immediately went back to polishing the same already-clean glass he’d been polishing earlier when Colonel Kira had been called away, hoping it would have the same effect on his _favorite liquidator_. Grint left, off again in the direction of the section of tables he had been waiting.

“Can I…”

Quark walked down the bar to make conversation with Morn before Brunt could finish his request.

“Snail juice?” Brunt called down the bar.

“Be with you in a second,” Quark said as he made Morn another drink in as slow a fashion as Brunt had ever seen.

* * *

Kira and Odo sat quietly together on the sofa in Kira’s quarters, her head laid on her shoulder and his arm around her. She felt at peace. For the first time since he’d left, everything suddenly felt right. She looked up at him and smiled.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said. “It doesn’t seem real.”

“Hm,” he intoned, smiling back at her. “I know. It’s strange to me, too. But so wonderful.”

“Yeah,” she said, laying her head back down again and relaxing against him. “Hey.” She sat up suddenly. “Now, um. You can definitely say no, tell me I’m crazy, that I’m not thinking clearly or I’m not taking the time to think things through and sort through my emotions, but…”

“Yes?”

“What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” she asked, her voice quiet, barely a whisper.

His eyes widened into an expression of surprise, then faded into a soft smile. “I’d like that.”

“Wow,” she said, smiling, too. “I wasn’t expecting that to go over so easily.”

“When do you want to get married?” he asked.

“What do you say we wait until tomorrow to talk about the details?” she said. “Right now I just want to sit here.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, and he meant it.

He wasn’t going to leave her again.

He wrapped his arm around her again and she curled up against him, quite content to fall asleep right there, just holding him close.

* * *

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, Brother,” Rom said.

It was early afternoon in the Nagal residence when Quark called in via subspace, quite upset. He had apparently been dealing with Brunt for nearly the entirety of the last twelve hours, and he was quite unhappy, in his mind with very good reason.

“You sent _Brunt_ to DS9, Rom. Why wouldn’t I be upset?”

“I thought you two had gotten over your rivalry,” Rom said. “I really didn’t know you would have a problem with him coming down to set everything up.”

“Right,” Leeta said, jumping in. “I mean, you and Brunt were so friendly in the days leading up to Zek’s stepping down.”

“Yech,” Quark said. “Don’t remind me.”

“Quark, Rom didn’t mean any harm, really,” she said. “He thought it would be nicer for a familiar, friendly face to come down to help set everything up for Acquisition Day. You know, rather than just sending down some random Commerce Authority intern. We thought you’d enjoy seeing Brunt.”

“ _We_?” Quark asked. “You were in on this, too?”

“As First Lady, Leeta is involved in lots of important decision making,” Rom said, turning to smile at Leeta, who smiled back.

“First Lady? Oh, sweet Grand Nagus Gint,” Quark sighed. “What has Ferenginar come to?”

“Quark,” Leeta said, frowning. “Your brother has made so many positive changes to Ferenginar society, following the legacy of Zek and Ishka. Ferenginar is changing.”

“Yeah, well, I’d rather it didn’t,” Quark said.

“We know,” Rom said. “But some things aren’t changing. Acquisition Day is still a very important cultural holiday. And we were hoping that you would help us celebrate it on Deep Space Nine.”

“It would mean a lot to both of us, Quark. Deep Space Nine is still our home,” Leeta said. Then, appealing to him, she added, “And it would be quite an opportunity for _you_ as well.”

“That’s true,” Rom said. “If you catered and helped plan the Nagus’s Acquisition Day celebration, that would really be something to talk about.”

“Fine,” Quark conceded. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, Brother,” Rom said with a wide grin.

“Sure,” Quark said. “Anything for my brother Rom, the Nagus. Just tell me one thing.”

“Okay,” Rom said.

“How long am I going to have to put up with Brunt?”

“Oh, well, uh,” Rom said. “Just until the day of the celebration.”

“A _month_?” Quark almost shouted.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Leeta said. “I mean, you two really did get along very well not that long ago. I’m sure after a while that friendship could...rekindle.”

Quark scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Distant and muffled came a call from somewhere on their end, and Rom and Leeta turned to face whoever it had been.

“Alright, we’ll be right there. Thank you,” Rom said before turning back to Quark. “Just try, Brother. A month really isn’t a long time. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Sure,” Quark repeated. “Okay. Fine.” He nodded. “I’ll do what I have to do. For you.”

Rom smiled. “Thank you, Brother.”

“You’re welcome,” Quark said. “I’ll let you get back to work. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of important things to see to.”

Rom nodded once politely and got up to depart in the direction of the voice which had summoned him, leaving Leeta in front of the screen. She smiled, somewhat awkwardly at first.

“Thanks again, Quark,” she said. “We’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright, take care,” he said.

“Bye.”

The transmission ended, and Quark laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head as he stood and pushed his chair in. He gave them a tough time, but he really did love them. Both of them. Really. And he was proud of his brother for all that he had accomplished. Not that he would ever give him or Leeta the satisfaction of admitting any of that. Nor would he give them the satisfaction of knowing that now that he understood Brunt wasn’t here to cause any trouble, he couldn’t say he actually minded having the jerk around. In fact, as his sister-in-law had said, it was kind of nice to have someone from home around.

He keyed in the lock code on the panel next to his bedroom door, and it whirred open. In the living room, he saw Brunt seated at the end of the sofa, reading something on a PADD. Quark adjusted his coat and stalked past him toward the replicator.

“You’re still here?” he asked.

“Yep,” Brunt said without even looking up.

“You...stayed here all night?”

“Yep.”

There was none of the usual combativeness in his voice. Quark stopped, and turned to look at him, and saw him still absorbed in whatever it was he was reading, and he let out a big huff of air. Brunt still didn’t look up. Quark crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Are you done with the arguing, then?” Quark asked, more surprised than annoyed at this point.

“You want me to argue with you?” Brunt asked, glancing at him.

“I...I don’t know,” Quark said. “I thought that was what we do.”

“Personally, I think it’s too early,” Brunt said. “And it only wastes time, so I don’t see the point.”

“Ridiculous,” Quark said, shaking his head. To the replicator, he said, “Snail juice, warm.”

“What’s ridiculous?” Brunt asked, and he swiped to the next page.

“Arguing,” Quark said, taking a sip of his drink, “about arguing.” He laughed. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Hm,” Brunt intoned.

“What are you reading, anyway?” Quark asked. “Must be interesting.”

“The Nagus’s instructions,” Brunt said.

“Oh,” Quark nodded. “Mind filling me in?”

Brunt looked at him, then back to his PADD, and he smirked.

“Here, read it yourself,” he said. He scrolled back to the beginning and passed the PADD to Quark. Then he stood up. “Mind if I use your replicator?” he asked.

“Go right ahead,” Quark said, waving a hand vaguely as he began to read Rom’s instructions.

“Thanks,” Brunt said. “Snail juice, cold.”

Quark looked up, his expression twisted in disgust. “You drink it _cold_?”

Brunt took a long drink from the glass, consuming almost half of it before lowering it with a satisfied sigh. “Just how Mother used to make it,” he said.

“That’s disgusting,” Quark said, and went back to reading.

Brunt chuckled and he came back to sit on the sofa and finish his snail juice.

Quark didn’t notice; he was too engrossed in Rom’s instructions now himself.

It was incredibly well-written, very precise. Almost poetic as he detailed over fourteen pages just what he wanted them to do, as well as how and why. Not a single detail was left out. It was all laid out right there. Which would certainly make the job of getting everything set up so much simpler, Quark thought. There would be no questioning whether what they were doing was right or if it met the Nagus’s standards.

“Rom wrote this himself?” Quark asked once he had gotten a few pages in.

“Of course. Who else would write the _Nagus’s_ Acquisition Day festivities instructions?” Brunt asked.

“I don’t know. I thought maybe Leeta wrote it,” Quark said.

“Well, I suppose she could have,” Brunt said. “She does know him quite well. But he wrote that.”

“How do you know?” Quark asked.

“He asked everyone’s opinions on what he should include,” Brunt said. “He did lots of research. He wanted to have a perfect, traditional Acquisition Day celebration here on DS9, and he wanted you to play a part in that.”

“Huh,” Quark said, astonished.

He flipped to the next page and continued reading. The more he thought about it, the more he really could see Rom in every word. It made sense. It was thoughtful and it was effective, and it never strayed from the focus one bit. And if it seemed like it did, it made sense a few lines later. This was Rom alright, Quark thought with a smile. There was no doubt about it.

* * *

The next three weeks passed excruciatingly slowly.

Well, actually, if Quark was completely honest with himself, the first week wasn’t so bad. Brunt was...manageable.

Well, he wasn’t terrible.

Fine. He was practically delightful.

It was awful.

The last three weeks were awful. That was all there was to it. The first week was awful because Brunt was so tolerable it felt unnatural. He was polite. He was kind. Courteous, even. It was disgusting how nice he was being.

Even if Quark did kind of like this Brunt.

He was so tolerable, though, that he was intolerable.

Then, mid-second week, Brunt started countering little things he said again. By the start of the third week, they were back to their usual bickering.

Which was actually comfortable at first, Quark had to admit. But now, as the fourth week was just beginning, he was right back to loathing him on the borderline and considering pushing the bastard off the upper level of the Promenade.

Now, as they stood in a conference room, each with a copy of Rom’s instructions in hand, they had been arguing for the last twenty minutes about table placement, which had to be the one thing Rom hadn’t detailed. Leave it to Rom to forget something so key to this whole celebration. The idiot.

“Logically, they should go along the walls,” Brunt said. “People will want to stand in the middle of the room and mingle.”

“ _Logically_ ,” Quark said mockingly. “What are you, a Vulcan? _Logically_ would be to place one long table in the middle so that everyone could eat together as a group.”

“Okay,” Brunt said, stomping to the other side of the room. “What about two long tables, one on each side of the room?”

“What, and separate everyone? Force them to choose where to sit?”

“They’re going to have to choose where to sit your way as—”

“Shh!! Sh-sh-sh!” Quark hissed, walking hurriedly over to where Brunt was standing. “Listen.”

“To what?”

“Shh!”

Outside in the corridor were three voices, getting closer. Then the sound of someone keying in the access code. Thinking fast, Quark grabbed Brunt by the arm and dragged him into the storage cupboard at the opposite side of the room and shut them in, just as the doors whirred open and the three people came in.

“Thank you so much for agreeing on such short notice, Vedek.”

“Colonel Kira!” Brunt said in a loud whisper.

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all, my child. It makes me so happy to be able to do this for you.”

“Shh!!” Quark hissed again, glaring at him before opening the cupboard just a crack to peer out.

In the center of the room were Kira and Odo and the Vedek from the station’s Bajoran temple.

“What are they doing?” Quark murmured.

“What’s going on?” Brunt asked.

“Sh,” Quark shushed, waving him off.

Or trying to. He couldn’t really get Brunt off of him. They were in such tight quarters after all.

“Do you, Kira Nerys, take Odo...”

“A wedding?” Brunt asked.

“I do,” she said.

“And Odo, do you take Kira Nerys…”

“Yeah,” Quark said.

“I want to see.”

“Hey, get your elbow out of my ribs.”

“I just want to—”

Brunt tried to shove him to the side and instead shoved him into the door, causing it to fly open and the two of them to crash to the floor just meters away from the wedding party.

“Quark?” Odo asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question!” Quark shot back.

“I’m getting _married_ , Quark,” Odo said. “And you’re...in a closet? With Brunt?”

Odo looked at Brunt, the confusion on his face growing deeper by the second.

“In secret!” Quark said accusingly.

“We didn’t want it to be a big deal,” Kira said. “What are you two doing spying on us?”

“We weren’t spying,” Quark said.

“We booked this room,” Brunt chimed in.

“Then…” Kira said, looking between the two of them. “Why were you hiding?”

Quark opened his mouth, then closed it.

“That’s a good question,” Brunt said. “Quark, why were we hiding?”

“That’s a good question,” Quark said back. “I’ll, uh, get back to you on that.” He rushed out the door, calling behind him as he left, “My congratulations to the happy couple!”

Kira and Odo stared after him, shocked and confused, then turned back to Brunt, who began inching his way toward the door.

“My apologies,” he said, holding his hands out in submission. “Uh...lovely flowers, Colonel.”

And he hurried out in pursuit of Quark.

“Thanks,” she muttered. She looked at Odo, each of them trying to stifle a laugh. “That was so strange.”

“Would we expect anything less of him?” Odo asked.

“Absolutely not,” she said.

They turned back to the Vedek, who looked twice as confused as they felt.

“Sorry about that, Vedek,” Kira said. “Please continue.”

“Before another incident like that occurs,” Odo added.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to give Brunt a reason to be on the station that wasn't directly related to Quark's finances, so I decided to make it be because of some holiday, on Rom's request. However, no matter how much searching I did, I couldn't find any information on Ferengi holidays. I guess days off work aren't good for business. Or perhaps the Ferengi just haven't heard of all the ways holidays can be commercialized. Anyway, since I couldn't find any information about Ferengi holidays, I had to make up a holiday. I have no idea what Acquisition Day is or how it's celebrated, but I thought it just sounded as good as anything else I could have come up with (and it's better than what my cousin suggested, "National Oo-mox Day").


End file.
